it's really hilarious to listen to your story via TTS while working - those french sentences are just a blast.
I hope I get to read Ch4 soon, it's a very good story so far.
It's a bit hard to follow all those sidestories (I didn't get why jamius was fighting in the mall) - perhaps focus on one story for a longer time? Like 1/3 of a chapter or so, that would make it much easier to get into that story again.
There are some good plottwist in that story - keep that up. I like it when you read a story and you're like "yeah ok, standard story, I know what'll happen next" and then it really happens - but in the end it changes completely and the only thing you think is: WTF? I'd love to see that here too - I did anticipate Melle's friends or children to be in RES. It wasn't that of a plottwist to me (still good though) but I hope there is ....more. A deep, confusing, complete gamechanger. If that makes any sense?
Hm...quite a review!
Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read and go in-depth into the lore: thank you very much.
Secondly, I leave some things open for the future. Everything is documented in separate files - for example, you might not remember, Regis telling Oceane that "Father" didn't want her to know too much. That's still going to come in the future, because she hasn't found out who (or what) Father is. Being human, she definitely will ask later on. Making sure there are little holes here and there to fill up, ensures the story is a constant dance between decisions of the past, problems of the present and worries of the future - this world in the FiT Arc is one heading to an apocalypse. I haven't dwelt much on that fact, but given that the majority of the scenes in the last three chapters have happened inside a single Facility, I hope it is understandable. I am more of an "open world" writer: making stories dwell in a confined space is a quite a challenge. I do not doubt your eyes picked up on the struggle to keep the story interesting.
Thirdly, I love books that involve the reader thinking as well. Jamius was shooting down a UMF vehicle and tactical unit at the same time RES was attacking the Facility. Why, would he do that? Good question. Now that Mistral has him cornered, we should be able to find out why in the world, he would be aiding a terrorist group. Or maybe, not. Hm... I think I shouldn't reveal that so early down the line.
Next point: Yes, it is quite hard to follow all the side stories, and even harder without reading the previous chapters. The aim was for a connected flow of words, each chapter being the result of the previous one and the cause of the next one. Somewhere down the line, I overdid it. You aren't the first person to voice the concern that the stories are getting too complex and I will certainly take that into account while I write the next chapter. There's no hard limit on how many chapters this will take, so those side stories are little pockets of fuel to keep the vehicle moving. It's all in the linked links linking links!
Plot twists? Hm... I can certainly add a few more... It might take a while to get a very deep one...imagine if Professor Set is Melle's husband...no? That definitely sounds lacklustre and it's something anyone could have thought. Plot twists will be done, I can certainly do them, the problem will be cutting down on the complexity.
Thank you very much for your review. It reinforced some points and gave me a whole new look on others. I look forward to writing more.